so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
