Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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