Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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