Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
