Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
