you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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