The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
