He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
