Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i think im in europe. pls send help
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
