my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
