Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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