Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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