Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize