You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
