Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
