I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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