I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
