i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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