You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
