ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
