And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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