oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
