I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
