Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
