I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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