The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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