Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
