You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
3 2 1 whiskey
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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