she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
