i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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