I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
