definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
