all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
