I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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