i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
