your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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