Slut skills are useful in every country.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
