he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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