you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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