after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
