I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
