dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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