i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
