I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
