I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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