Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
