i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
