Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize