It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
