Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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