I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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