the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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