I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
