bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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