I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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