the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
