he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
