I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
