Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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