So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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