Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
