this just has baby written all over it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
