There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
