why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
