weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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