he puts the penis in happiness.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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