she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
